Football

Reality check: 10 Athletes we wish were real

/ Rich Sports Talk / 1 Comment

Forget Broadway sports are the great unscripted drama. Sports are so popular today because they feature characters in an unscripted play with an unknown outcome. We have memorable characters that have been born through this drama, but what about the actual scripted sports stars? We forget that movies about sports have created memorable characters that become more nostalgic then the actual players. Hollywood and television has provided the backdrop for some memorable characters that stick out in our mind. But what if these characters were real? How much more entertaining and dramatic could it be if these fictional characters were actual facts. Here is a list of some of the most recognizable fictional athletes that fans would love or hate to see in the real world.

1) Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn: Major League 1&2

Wild Thing! you'd make our hearts sing!

Wild Thing! you’d make our hearts sing!

Stylish hair check! Custom skull glasses check! 100 MPH heater check! Heart-throb to drive the ladies wild double-check!! Before Charlie Sheen was “winning” he was helping the city of Cleveland finally overcome their decades of futility in baseball. While the Indians still struggle in real life, if Ricky Vaughn was at the top of the rotation it would be a different story. From incarceration to the big leagues Vaughn got his nickname because of his terrible control problems. Like most rookies he struggles to find his place at the big league level until he puts on the specs and behold he can see!! By the end of the first movie he overcomes his control problems, and wild off the field antics to become the ace of the Cleveland staff. In Major League 2 he falls into the trap of most bad boy professional athletes and tries to clean up his act. While at first this seems like a good idea, eventually he realizes he must get his edge back and return as the “Wild Thing”.  A baseball player with electric stuff, great looks, and bad boy attitude Ricky Vaughn would be constantly generating headlines with his antics while striking out the fiercest major leaguers. Not to mention he would be the heart-throb of the sport and lead to a hair-style phenomenom.

2) Kenny Powers: Eastbound and Down

He changed the face of baseball now he's looking to do it again

He changed the face of baseball now he’s looking to do it again

Ah yes, the comeback story. Everyone loves a comeback story and Kenny Powers is no different. Once  blessed with a 100MPH canon, Powers faded fast as his velocity dipped into the low 80s and his pro baseball career seemed over before it started. A substitute P.E. teacher making a comeback sounds far-fetched. Add in the egotistical, lazy, and angry sides of his personality and you have a powder keg ready for ignition. Success or failure just watching this train wreck comeback trail for Powers including pitching in the Mexican league with the American flag on his back would be worth the price of admission. Kenny Powers would be great just for the million dollar tweets that would fill his twitter account. Thew foul-mouthed ballplayer would without a doubt be on of the most followed athletes on twitter just for the simple fact you have no idea what this walking time bomb will do next. For you Kenny Powers fans click on the link  for some of his best quotes because I can’t even put them on this page since their so raunchy. Powers would make a great hero or villain if he were a real ballplayer. Love or hate him one thing is for sure and that’s Kenny Powers doesn’t give a S&$% what you have to say.

3) Ricky Bobby: Talladega Nights

He just wants to go fast

He just wants to go fast

When Will Ferrel tackled NASCAR he created one of his most iconic characters. Ricky Bobby, a hotshot race car drive who “pisses excellence”, would bring fans flocking to the race tracks. His fast paced and aggressive racing style, memorable one liners, and catch phrase “if you ain’t first your last” would make him a racing icon. Not to mention the juicy controversies that the media would jump on such as flipping off other drivers while racing in reverse. Ricky would be a marketing icon from Big Red to Wonder Bread. Heck for a few extra bucks he’ll put your brand on the windshield. It may be dangerous but if he gets paid he doesn’t care. Throw in a comeback with him working his way back to the top you have the quintessential American athlete, which Bobby claims to be. Will Ferrell didn’t just leave his mark on one sport and shaked and baked another athlete on this list and that is……..

4) Chazz Michael Michaels: Blades of Glory

figure skating with an edge

figure skating with an edge

Chazz Michael Michaels is figure skating Boom! Let’s face it who here really watches figure skating? Yeah me neither, but I would if this man was in it. Let’s see swagger, rock and roll playlists, not to mention the man shoots fire from his wrists. Don’t worry ladies he hasn’t forgotten about you too, talk about a heart-throb. On top of that he was one half of the first all men figure skating pair and was fire in the fire and ice routine. Throw in the scandal at the medal ceremony and getting banned from singles competition and you have a winner.  Don’t forget some killer one liners like “I swear if you cut my head off I’ll kill you” and you have a whole new edge and image for figure skating. Plus we all know he is going to skate one song and song only!

5) Happy Gilmore: Happy Gilmore

That ball may be to good for it's home but the PGA would be a great home for Mr. Gilmore

That ball may be to good for its home but the PGA would be a great home for Mr. Gilmore

Ah yes how many quotes can you pull off the top of your head when you think of this golfer. Ok, we all know golf is boring, but throw in Happy and you have a completely new ballgame. 400 yard drives, a hilariously bad short game, and a hobo caddy talk about your departure from the normal golfer. Can you just imagine if he was in a pair with Tiger? This hockey jersey wearing, foul mouthed, and goof ball antic golfer would make golf without a question more entertaining. He wrestles gators, beats up people, and not to mention threw hands with Bob Barker (see link)! Happy is also fighting to get his grandmother’s house back from foreclosure. How could you not want him to succeed? Happy would be an athlete that would entertain the masses whenever he picked up a club. Not to mention he makes us hate those clown heads at the miniature golf course too.

6) Willie “Steamin” Beamen: Any Given Sunday

From third string to star

From third string to star

While you could argue that Shark Lavay and Coach D’amato should be on this list here’s why Beamen beats them out. He goes from seventh round third stringer to starter. Hmm sounds familiar, oh yeah Mr. Tom Brady. He goes from having one of the worst first games you can have and even throws up on the field to using his freakish RGIII ability to tear apart defense and leads the Sharks to the Pantheon Cup. While the team falls short he would be ideal for our highlight obsessed society and would make football fans drool with his dazzling plays. Not to mention his good looks, battle to keep the starting job, and being an underdog make him an athlete who would thrive in the real world. He also could make a great villain since the movie ends with him signing a contract under the Sharks noses to leave with coach D’amato to go play with the Aztecs. Talk about pulling a Lebron James to South Beach oh the irony.

7) Thad Castle: Blue Mountain State

Thad don't hit the quarterback in practice!

Thad don’t hit the quarterback in practice!

He’s a National Champion, thinks it’s B.S. that linebackers can’t win the Heisman, looks like “the freakin Hulk”, and hates all quarterbacks with a passion. Thad is the definition of a lovable idiot. While he may have rocks for brains there is no question that he can punish opposing offenses. Manti Te’o having an invisible girlfriend, Thad would probably laugh and tell you about all the girlfriends he’s had at BMS. Of course he did get suspended for using cocaine in his senior year and ended up missing one game. Despite his idiocy you cannot question his passion for football such as building a football field for the championship game when no field was available. Castle would be great as a real college and pro athlete. First he would a great villain for other college teams especially if BMS goes down for illegal scandals off the field. In the NFL he would be another great villain because of his constant trash talking and complete disregard for the rules. You’d love him if he’s on your team, but can’t stand him if’s he’s on any other team.

8) Rocky Balboa: Rocky Films

Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!

Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!

Ok we all know Rocky so this won’t be too long. If Rocky were real his accomplishments could have made him one of the greatest boxers of all time. Not to mention an endorsement icon for generations. While Rocky has had bumps in the road, Rocky 5, he is always able to overcome them and represents the true underdog. He would bring great publicity to a dying sport and would make boxing “cool” again. Plus when you add in an athlete he constantly flirts with retirement, albeit Brett Favre, then you have great drama. When is he coming? Should he come back? When should he retire? These would be questions ESPN would fall in love with and if you don’t think that they would fall in love with Rocky more than Mr. Favre then you would be wrong.

9) Roy Hobbs: The Natural

Comeback of the ages

Comeback of the ages

Talk about your comeback. Roy Hobbs is a naturally blessed baseball player with unfathomable talent. At 18 he’d thrown 8 no-hitters in the minor leagues and struck out the “Hammer” the best player in the majors on three pitches. However, he gets cut down in his prime by a mysterious woman who shoots him. After years of recovering he returns to baseball as a 34-year-old rookie for the putrid New York Knights. However, he goes on a tear and guides them to the pennant while becoming the best player in the game. However, before the championship his old gun shot wound acts up and is told that he could die if he continues playing. However, (movie version) he is able to hit the winning home run and lead the Knights to victory. While this may mirror a current major leaguer, Josh Hamilton, Hobbs had to deal with a miser owner and bribes in order to throw the playoff games. Unlike Pete Rose Hobbs would stay the straight a narrow and represents the honesty that we would like to see in more athletes today. Plus a comeback of this magnitude would have people cheering because people always love the underdog.

10) The Hanson Brothers: Slap Shot

This terrific trio would stir the pot in the NHL

This terrific trio would stir the pot in the NHL

Jack, Steve, and Jeff Hanson would be icons in real life. In the move Slap shot these three brothers were brought in to be the enforcers for the Charlestown Chiefs. Boy did they ever! Recognized by their crazy hair and taste  in eyewear the Hanson Brothers quickly garnered a big following for being the goons of minor league hockey. This dastardly trio become known for starting fights even before the games. One such game had a brawl before the puck was even dropped. Not to mention their child like nature with playing with toy cars you couldn’t help but love them. Could you imagine them in the NHL? Fans would love if they were all on the same team fighting and enforcing. Not to mention the merchandising of those glasses would become a new fashion trend in the NHL. The Hanson’s would also garner criticism as the NHL is trying to clean up the game. Either way they would create a buzz and would have fans flocking to arenas to experience their antics. Especially if they were on a bad team that wasn’t going anywhere at least then the games would be entertaining.

Do you agree with the list? Any that you think I missed? Don’t forget to comment below and tell me what you think and what you would like me to write about next. To forget to follow my blog to get the latest from Rich Sports Talk and be able to email me on what you want to hear.

If it’s broken, it needs fixing: teams that are desperately in need of a makeover

/ Rich Sports Talk / Leave a comment

Ah yes fashion, where styles come and go so fast that most people feel way behind. Sports is intriguing because some fashion choices stay eternal. The iconic sweaters and logos of the Original Six in the NHL, the pinstripes of the New York Yankees, the yellow and purple of the L.A. Lakers, and the silver and black of the Raiders. Some teams never need to change their iconic logos and superb jerseys. However, there are some teams that desperately need to update their look. You just look at them and go geez what the heck are they wearing. Here is my list of ten teams that need a makeover.

1) The Phoenix Suns:

I need aloe vera! these jerseys burn my eyes!

I need aloe vera! these jerseys burn my eyes!

Wow I think Willy Wonka let the ompa lompas out. The Suns have never had great uniforms and have gone through many different logos, colors, and uniforms in their history. However, no matter what they do nothing seems to work. I get orange should be incorporated with the uniforms but not as an Orange and Grey eyesore. I know that the Suns have a difficult mascot to work with but I feel that their logo and jersey defiantly is in need of an overhaul. Players look like giant pumpkins isn’t intimidating and I don’t get who the jerseys are so different. Home is white with primarily purple highlights and only a little orange. The road jerseys are all orange and grey with no purple. Guys I understand you want to mix it up but please have a little consistency. I think that the best move for the Suns is to have simpler uniforms without these colors clashing and should try to update their logo. Also pick what colors your going to be and stick with them. If you want to be purple be purple if you want to be orange be orange make up your mind!!!

2) Miami Marlins:

Can we stop trying to copy the U please?

Can we stop trying to copy the U please?

Ok I know that orange is popular because of the Hurricanes and Dolphins but that doesn’t mean you have to wear it to! Just because you’re the Miami Marlins now doesn’t mean you copy the colors of the two other teams in town with orange and coral blue. These jerseys are an eyesore and while at first I thought they were kinda cool that novelty wore off faster than Miami traded away their team this offseason. Maybe the orange is appropriate for the fire sale they’re having on South Beach. I give Miami credit for trying something new but seriously guys when if I have to ask id that is a Marlin on your hat then you probably did it wrong. These jerseys are new but I do think these need to go to. Hey maybe the Marlins will trade their uniforms next!

3) Milwaukee Brewers:

Get the Dolorean! time to go back in time

Get the DeLorean! time to go back in time

This is a different one. While the new Brewers uniforms aren’t bad, I’d love to see them go back to their old uniforms full-time. The classic Brewers uniforms are sharp and are perfect with most teams going to “more retro” uniforms. The lighter blue and yellow with the old school block lettering is reminiscent of great baseball uniforms of the past. The Brewers should follow this fashion trend of bringing back vintage looks because it will also bring back one of the most iconic logos in baseball, the glove and ball Brewer logo. While the new uniforms and logo aren’t terrible, I think most of the Brew Crew and their fans would accept these classics once again.

4) New England Patriots:

Pat the Patriot needs to replace the Elvis Patriot

Pat the Patriot needs to replace the Elvis Patriot

Another case of bringing back the old school. Ok Jet fans I know you hate the Patriots like I do, but even you have to admit these are pretty sweet duds. These are patriotic red, white, and blue instead of the current blue and silver color combination the Patriots wear now. These jerseys are bold and colorful and make a statement that this is an American team. Also these uniforms would bring back the fabled Pat the Patriot mascot. Hmmmm do I want a tough and gritty patriot hiking a football in a three-point stance, or the patriot that looks like a cheesy rip off of Elvis. The new uniforms also don’t make sense. I hate there is barely any red and the overuse of silver. Lets make this clear there is only one team that can and should were silver in the NFL and that is the Silver and Black of the Raiders. While I do hate the Patriots seeing them in these uniforms would make them a little easier to stomach when Tom Brady torches your team’s secondary.

 

 

5) Tennessee Titans:

old Oilers + new Titans= bad uniforms

old Oilers + new Titans= bad uniforms

These uniforms are trying to do too much. They try to mix a new team and design with the classic colors of the Houston Oilers. The result is a confusing combination of blues and white that just look like they can’t agree. This franchise is trying modernize the old Oilers jerseys instead of creating their own identity. With different shades of blues in different and odd combinations makes these uniforms an eyesore and confusing. On top of that the logo just never seems to fit in especially with all the red when there is no red in the uniforms. I think this is one NFL franchise that should go back to the drawing board and instead of trying to recreate an identity just create their own unique logo and uniforms.

6) San Diego Chargers

San Diego needs to embrace their best look

San Diego needs to embrace their best look

Most football fans agree that the Chargers powder blues are one of if not the best uniforms in the game. But here’s my question, why the heck aren’t they wearing them??? These beauties are currently the alternates to the main navy colored jerseys which have been the primary colored jerseys since 1973. Why the Chargers took the best uniform in the game and put it as an alternate I will never know. I am sick of seeing the dark blue charger uniforms and would love to see these babies full-time. The chargers need to embrace their best look because it is the perfect color for San Diego. It’s cool, laid back, and easy-going just like the people of San Diego. Heck if I was the Chargers I would petition the commissioner to wear these uniforms all the time. Can the fans of San Diego petition to make these uniforms the primary home uniforms. I’ll say it again these are my favorite uniforms in the league please wear them!!!

 

7) Dallas Stars:

Less is more except if your the Stars

Less is more except if your the Stars

Talk about vanilla. While simpler is usually better for Dallas the Stars jerseys are terrible. They took a great jersey in the nineties with the star shape around the bottom of the jerseys and a good logo off their uniforms. Now all that’s left is Dallas, green stripes, and numbers in the front. YYYYAAAAAWWWWWNNNNNN. The Stars need a new uniform and possibly logo. While to logo isn’t bad it could use some upgrading. This is Texas things are supposed to be bigger and better not quieter and simpler. Dallas needs to embrace their inner Texan and get rid of these pathetic jerseys.

8) Anaheim Ducks

The word Ducks across the chest really original

The word Ducks across the chest really original

Ah yes the Anaheim Ducks. A franchise notorious for hideous jerseys. While their new third jerseys are an improvement the main jersey with the word “Ducks” across the Chest is boring. Not to mention the gold with black combination which should look cool looks pretty weak. My suggestion is to combine the jerseys and logos of the past. Use the classic duck mask, or Wild Wing logo, with the double hockey sticks that the Mighty Ducks franchise made famous with their Disney movies. Then use this old logo with the new black and orange color schemes. Also if the could combine it with the diagonal stripe of the original jersey, then the Ducks could have one of the best looking jerseys in the game.

9) Carolina Hurricanes:

Wow I wish the Whalers were still here

Wow I wish the Whalers were still here

To think this used to be a franchise with one of the best logos and uniforms in hockey. But alas the Whalers are gone and now they are the hurricanes. First off the logo is weak a red and black circle really intimidating. Looks more like a tropical storm then a hurricane. Also the uniforms with red white and blacks fighting with each other makes it a very confusing look. I love the secondary logo on the shoulder and the third jersey. It combines the Carolina triangle, a hockey stick, and a flag in a hurricane to make a simple yet cool logo. The third jerseys that are black with this logo are great and I wish they would switch to these babies full-time and make a white version with it. Those would make the Hurricanes look cool and not like there is a giant red and black eye on their chest.

10) Washington Wizards:

Bullets + Wizards = red, white, and blah

Bullets + Wizards = red, white, and blah

Like the Titans earlier in the list the Wizards have tried to combine two teams into one. Bad idea taking an already weak logo and name and bring to combine it with the historical Bullets jerseys creates this star-spangled screamer. While I do commend them for actually using red white and blue instead of gold and blue the old combination of the old uniforms and logo are just a mess. While these are retro uniforms, sometimes simpler is better. Look at the Nets and Knicks they changed to simpler uniforms and look great. While I think they are going in the right direction, these uniforms are defiantly the elephant in the room, not Republicans, when it comes to the city’s sports teams. While at first they were cool now they need an upgrade. Also the Wizards logo of the wizard and basketball has been weak and outdated for years. This is another team that needs to update their mascot or find a new one. Instead of Wizards rename the team, like in New Orleans, to something more appropriate. Names like Eagles, or Diplomats could be possibilities.

Do you agree with my list? Any teams you think I left out or think I was wrong about? Please feel free to comment below and tell me what you think. Don’t forget to email me or write in the comments section about what you would like me to write about next. Thanks and have a great day!

Revis Island for sale?

/ Rich Sports Talk / Leave a comment

It’s not all fun in the sun on Revis island right now

Few things in this world are certain. The sun will rise in the east, the grass will grow, and star receivers will get stranded on Revis Island. However, this luxury island may be for sale sooner than later as the Jets may be looking to trade their best players. With new general manager John Idzik stating that no players were safe speculation and rumors out of Florham park just keeping adding fuel to the out of control fire the Jets have become this offseason. Despite the outcry from many Jet fans saying that the team would be foolish to trade Revis, I actually believe trading Revis would be a good thing. Hold on Jets fans I know your probably shouting expletives at me for saying that but hear me out. While Darrelle has been one, if not the greatest Jets players of all time the pros of the trade severely outweigh the cons. I do believe that the Jets should make every effort to lock up Revis to a long-term contract before the draft. However, if they cannot do this then they need to trade him. Revis will be a free agent at the end of the following season and we all know he will not take a home town discount. As a Mets fan it was painful to see Jose Reyes walk and the team not getting anything in return and I do not want this to happen to the Jets. Also Revis has been a pain in the you know what about contracts. It seems like every other year he wants a new contract and I don’t know about you but I’m sick of it. Revis isn’t a defensive leader and he is not a team player. He just covers his one receiver and at the end of the season asks for more money. While having the elite corner in the game is great it’s more of a luxury then a necessity. Having great corners helps your defense but it doesn’t automatically make you a championship team. Even last year without Revis the Jets still managed to have one of the better secondaries in the game. Heck you could argue Santonio Holmes is more valuable because the second he went down with his injury the offense collapse. Trading Revis would bring in multiple draft picks which the Jets desperately need right now and the Jets secondary is one of their strengths even without Darrelle. The list of needs for this team goes on and on quarterback, running back, tight end, fullback, offensive line, defensive tackle, outside line backer and safety. Wooo gotta catch my breath after that laundry list. While Revis definitely makes the Jets defensive units one of the best in the NFL, he does not, and do not believe what Rex Ryan says, does not make the Jets a super bowl contender. Just look at the Herschel Walker trade. With the multiple draft picks the Cowboys received they were able to build a perennial super bowl championship team. The Jets could have a similar situation by trading  Darrelle Revis. While the draft is still months away, eyes will be on the Jets to see if they will make this trade. Whatever happens, no matter the outcome, the one certainty is that the way the New York Jets handle this situation will determine the future of this for years to come.